I hate you yet I could die for you!

Tic, toc, tic, toc…

They are in the middle of a field but they still hear that clock ticking. That evil clock’s sound is echoing in their heads. It seems like a needle scratching up and down a board. The more that ultimate moment approaches, the more the sound becomes sore and relentless.

Tic, toc, tic, toc…

It is a sweet summer evening; a day like the others. The field is enlightened by the falling sun. In the sky are combined different shades of red and yellow, the same color as the fire, slowly but unstoppably, burning their hearts. In the background are trees. The same trees as usual. From far, their branches seem to be intertwined, like hugging each other goodbye. From time to time, a windy wave comes shaking their leaves, breaking the torturing silence that is like a veil on this place.

Tic, toc, tic, toc…

Everything is the same in that field; except them. The two of them are different now. Their so passionate love is now like a stone. Their hearts are numb; they can feel neither pain nor love. They’re so close yet so far apart.

They sit, there, in the middle of that field which, a long time ago, was the nest of their love. It was part of them and they were part of it yet they seem like outsiders looking at it, right now. 

Tic, toc, tic, toc…

It was in this place that their love was born and now, in the same place, it’s dying and they’re dying with it. Their whole life rewinds in front of their eyes, now. Their souvenirs are flowing like a river. That frivolous laughter, those innocent smiles, these graceful midnight dances; even that anger, these sad tears, those harsh quarrels. Those confessions, these secrets shared, those hearty hugs and kisses, this love and those looks. Those butterflies tickling their guts, these grins reaching their eyes, those hearts throbbing in their chests, this eagerness to see each other and that reluctance to leave one another… Everything they lived is now inches from fading away and in their minds is a rain of regrets ready to wash it all away. 

None of them looks at the other. Fear of saying goodbye is consuming them from their toes. They could do anything to stop that minute from coming yet they want it to be here faster. 

Tic, toc, tic, toc…

They want so bad to be in each other’s arms yet they know surrendering to each other is surrendering to hell. She wants to smell the angelic scent of his clothes and know she was safe with him yet she knows he is the devil in disguise. He wants to caress her and remember how beloved his girl was to him yet he knows her skin only hid thorns to hurt him. She wants her heart against his so it can remind her their love is still alive yet she knows in his chest is only left a deserted cemetery. He wants to kiss her and feel again the tenderness that wraped her lips yet he knows those lips are now deprived from all gentleness. She curses herself for loving him yet she knows without him she would have been nothing. He wants to die for loving her yet he knows without her even breathing would have been impossible. She wants to run from his claws yet she knows she couldn’t belong somewhere else. He wants to break the devilish spell she casted on him yet he knows angels couldn’t use sorcery. They want the gap between them to shatter and throw each one to a side yet they want this distance to close and make them one. They so want to be together; either live or die together, hand in hand, forever, yet they know it is hopeless. They know they can’t move, they can’t make a step, they can’t escape their end; because this is fate and fate is stronger than everything, anything.

Tic, toc, tic, toc…

Finally, they manage to look at each other. They stare at each other. Although they remain silent, their mournful glances say everything, the same things…

“I LOVE you! But why do i? It’s a mistake! Yet, it feels so right… I love YOU! But why you? You’re a mistake! Yet, you feel so right… I hate you! But god, what would I become if you’re gone?”

Tic, toc, tic, toc…

They know once the sun falls, they’ll be torn apart forever. Their hopes and wishes, their love and passion, their dreams and expectations, their aims and fantasies… Everything that united them till now will be buried with the falling sun forever.

And dawn took her dawn...

That night, she was walking, bare feet, along the sea shore. The waves were colliding to each other and so were her thoughts. Her mind was like a volcano willing to erupt and destruct everything on its way.

She was sad and beautiful. Her hair, a black duvet on top of her head, was like a waterfall down her back, caressing her waist. She had two strands on the sides of her face, almost touching her jaw and encircling her face, that little pearl where all features were married with such harmony. Her eyes, huge like caves, blue like underneath the sea. Looking inside them was like diving deep down into the ocean. Her eyes, wonderful landscapes, showed grief and sorrow. The entire burden on her shoulders was reflected by the look in her eyes. Her permanent smile, so beautiful it could make the sun itself melt, was there to hide her misery. She wore a long white gown which made her look like an angel.

Her life has always been like a chess game where, from the start, she was meant to be the loser. She watched everybody around her fall like pawns, letting her down, alone in the middle of the battlefield. The walls of her world seemed to approach her a little more each day, wanting to crush her. She wanted an escape, a hand to reach for her and save her. Someone. Something. She wanted to scream, to find a panacee, to cease the pain, to make the tragedy stop. But all she could do was to stay there and watch the small snow ball become bigger and bigger till, finally, it came rushing toward her, shattering her world into pieces, telling her : “Check mate!” Thus, the lights around her dimed one by one leaving her in a darkened bubble, drowned in loneliness and melancholy.

It was dawn and she was still walking. She felt weak, like she couldn’t move anymore. That was when she collapsed to the ground and sit there looking at the abyss where all the night’s blackness slowly faded away, leaving place to those angelic white lights. She sighed. How she wanted her gloomy life to finally meet dawn. She wanted to fall asleep and wake up in another realm where her world would be better. She wanted to grow wings and fly away, to another planet, where she would relish a happy existence. Although, her nightmare had no ending. It was everlasting.

Tears started streaming down her cheeks and, drop by drop, rolling down to finally reach her hands. Her fingers were intertwined in her lap like she was praying, pleading. She felt fragile and hopeless.

When she had no more tears to shed, she took a deep breath filling her lungs with all the air she could swallow, like it was going to purify her soul. She laid down on the sand and bent her legs. To her ears, the waves’ sound was like a real lullaby. The sweet morning breeze was rocking her while the first daylights were caressing her face. Closing her bloodshot eyes, she shifted to the dreams’ kingdom; the world of magic faeries and unicorns, a world where she really belonged.

There, she surrendered, for a while… Or maybe forever!